That Tastes Different

"Where do you wish to make a difference?", asks Jamie Ridler today for WishCasting Wednesday.

Hmmm. Well, it's 6 1/2 weeks into the new year and I'm still not doing the wonderful meal plans and cooking better/healthier meals for my family that I had planned to. And I'm still struggling with keeping a schedule in order to use my time more efficiently.

I SAY I'm going to do it. But I'm not so big with the follow through.
I mean, there are some good days.
But many days I just feel pathetically ineffectual.

So, "where I wish to make a difference" today, is in sticking to my plans and following through with scheduling meal planning and preparation so that the long term difference will be a healthier me and a healthier family.

I will do it one step at a time by spending one hour today to work on the menu plans and grocery lists.
Tomorrow, I will check my progress and spend at least 30 minutes to pick up where I left off.
I will call a friend today and tell her I am doing this and I will call her tomorrow to tell her of my progress.

She's a good friend .
She will support me.

I love cooking and providing Nourishment for my family.
I love to cook REAL FOOD. (Thanks to BlissChick for this timely post!)

I hope to share some of my recipes and meal plans here.
I hope there are others who have the same aspirations to healthier consumption.
I hope you will join me and perhaps we could support one another in this nourishing endeavour.

Here's to making a difference with good eating!

Dreams My Heart Seeks

A little late but created nonetheless.

And my first one, too!!

I was supposed to go to Jamie's Full Moon Dreamboard workshop this past Sunday.

But this past Sunday, it turned out that my heart and body needed to be at home with my family that day instead.

I WILL get there one day soon.

I had so much fun creating this vision even if it was in my own bedroom instead of with the lovely Jamie Ridler. (Thanks for your understanding about my cancellation Jamie. I'll be there February or March for sure!!)

Wine, candles, music and flowers, hmmmm.

Love?

Yes!! And lots of it.

Self Love.

And Music and singing and good food and writing and plenty of time to do it all in!!

What is your heart seeking?

Introducing My 2010 Trio: Gratitude, Nourishment, Acceptance

Finally, my first post of the year 2010. Coming to you via my BRAND NEW LAP TOP!!!! (After much frustration and messing around with settings and help from a tech friend to allow internet access)


Thanks to my darling Sweetheart, Fishguy, I got my Christmas wish.

Choosing has never been something that has come easily to me... Believe me, “Decide” was one of my top 10 words to choose from for this year. But, I chose Acceptance instead.

I accept that decision making is not my forte.

I won't beat myself up about it anymore.
I've also always been a fan of things that come in threes and three is my lucky number.

So, rather than picking one word for 2010, I arranged a trio instead.

Gratitude is my primary word for 2010.
This year for me, is about to be all about embracing Gratitude.
About being grateful.
Great-full.
I am grateful for all that I have and all that I am.
I am grateful for my wonderful, loving, supportive partner.
I am grateful for our awesome, kindhearted kid (sugar-plum, elf, pumpkin)
I am thankful that I am strong and healthy.
I am thankful that we have a warm and cozy home and friends both old and new, living near and far away.
I feel deep gratitude, for every day and person and lesson in it.
Because I have so much to be thankful for, I want to practice acknowledging it on a daily basis.
I intend to be more mindfully thankful each day and ensure a habit of counting my blessings and radiating an “Attitude of Gratitude”.
I also find that when I am feeling down on myself, unworthy and “not good enough”, it helps to remember just how much I really do have to be grateful for.

I also have an attitude of gratitude toward the abundance of nourishment (my second word) available for my use.
Nourishment~ to make grow, or keep alive and well with food.
My intention is to nourish my skin and body, my mind and heart and soul!
To feed my self and my family with love and healthy foods.
To keep reading and learning and writing.
To keep alive my heart songs by giving voice to them joyfully and often.
Rejoicing in the making of melodies and meat(less)loaves!!

Acceptance ~ less judgement, more appreciation.
Finding Santosha every day, contentment in the here and now, peace with what is.
This isn't about becoming complacent or accepting inappropriate behaviours or injustices.
It is about being less harsh on myself and loving and accepting all the parts of me including the procrastinator and the cynic and the grumpy old fart (Hey you kids, get off my lawn!!”).

I am participating in Jan's Meditation Challenge over at Awake Is Good. I found a nice way to incorporate my words into my meditation practice today. This is my mantra with each breath.
Inhale ~ Gratitude
Exhale ~ Loving Kindness
Inhale ~ Nourishment
Exhale ~ Loving Kindness
Inhale ~ Acceptance
Exhale ~ Loving Kindness
Repeat.

Been Busy Singing!!

Wow! It's been a while since I've done any blogging.... obviously.
However, the good news is that I have been very busy living my bliss, that is to say I have been singing!!

In September I began singing with a choir again. A great choir called the Westben Festival Chorus. I sang with them last fall,too. The past two weekends were spent in four separate performances singing in three different locations. It was a truly satisfying, soul nurturing, blissful experience.

Now that the performances are over with for this year,
I hope to return to making some more regular blog entries.
And preparing for the holidays.
And enjoying (NOT stressing over) the season!
Christmas cards and gingerbread.... here I come!

Sharing My Song of Kindness

It is Wednesday and Jamie once again invites us to wish and to share. WishCasting's question this week incidentally is, "What do you wish to Share?"

I’d like to share a little story with you about kindness.
I love to sing (if you’ve read any of my posts, you kinda know that already). I joined a wonderful choir last fall and it was wonderful. We did an awesome Christmas performance and I felt good about my singing ability.

This past Monday was the second choir practice of this season. Now, I have not studied music very much and am still learning how to read music. In the beginning when we are learning the new music, it is pretty tricky for me and I have to really listen hard to pick up what I have not yet learned how to read. I struggle. It is hard.

We have a few new choir members. One of them sang a solo that just about blew me away (she was handed the piece of music at the beginning of practice). Her well-trained voice gave me chills.
I began to have that old familiar feeling of doubt overwhelm me.

You know, that snotty little diva saying, “Hmmmph, you’re never going to be able to sing like that!!!! What are you even doing here??”
But, I shooed her away and maintained my strength and tried even harder.

I even spoke to another choir member (who is a piano teacher) about getting together for a tutoring session. She helped me last year and happily agreed to assist me again.

On my drive home after practice, that diva tried out some new lines on me “You think you can sing and write songs? You can’t even read music!”
And I fought back tears. But, I told her to shut the hell up.
As I was wiping the tears away, I saw her out of the corner of my eye.
No, not the Diva (she’s not Real!!) but a lovely young deer at the side of the road.
Just standing there, looking at me. I slowed down, afraid she might jump out into my path but she just stood there and leapt away after I passed her by.

A couple of years ago, I was seeing a lot of deer. I love seeing deer. I am completely honoured and awestruck. On my 40th birthday, I saw 10 deer!!! It was the best present ever!

Deer are a symbol of gentleness, kindness and unconditional love and acceptance. Deer are sattvic. When ever I see deer I am reminded to be kind and gentle with myself, to stop being too hard or judgmental. This is what deer are meant to remind us.

So, aside from that little story, I also want to lovingly and with gentleness share my voice, my very own beautiful voice, that is virtually untrained and can’t read music voice; my kind and unique and so full of emotion voice; my voice that loves to sing just for the love of singing and because it feels sooo right and good!

Even more motivation to get that cd DONE!

Transformation Inevitable

This beauty is the reason we intentionally keep milkweed in the yard at the River House. While beautiful, even in its larval stage, this creature will soon become a magnificent Monarch Butterfly. Plus, the flower produced by this so-called weed, is also quite lovely.

I'm feeling a lot like a caterpillar these days, steadily munching away on my diet of yoga, guitar playing and singing.

I've been working on intentionally living my bliss (with the encouragement of this lady).

And in doing so I've learned:

• not to care quite so much about what others think
• to be more conscious of my daily choices and how they affect my bliss and energy
• that I have more self discipline than I've ever given myself credit for
• that I am able to recognize and overcome negative self talk (the divas) more frequently (um, see the previous post for more on this)
• to be less hard on myself
• to be more open and loving

In further examining my intentions, I've found that:

• I practice contentment, regardless of my situation (even when the divas are present)
• When truly unhappy with my situation, I have the power to CHANGE it
• It is my purpose to spread and reflect light to all beings
• Singing is my bliss and I intend to live that every day

I still need to work a bit more on my list of intentions but in practicing contentment with where I am at, I'm not too stressed about it. I also see that the journey is where the joy is, it's not at the culmination of any list making project I take on.

And while transformation is inevitable, the caterpillar is just as lovely as the butterfly!

Resisting My Bliss

I KNOW that I have been doing it. I've been feeling it for days. I've felt myself "resigning".
Resisting my bliss.

Over a year ago, I was working a 40 hour week in child care. I have been in childcare for 20 years. That's a damned long time to work with small humans. That's an amazingly damned long time to work with small humans and NOT be burnt out. The field of childcare has a notoriously high burn out rate.

The way that I have managed for so long, is that I recognize my need for breaks and changes in my job. Every three years I need some sort of shake up.
I went to Finland once to teach English for a year.
I took six weeks off once to travel Europe.
I got pregnant and had a year off with my own little Sugar Plum.
I did home child care for a while when Sugar Plum was very little.
I returned to a different job after being at home with her for 3 years.

Anyway, last year I was feeling at the end of my rope again (it had been three years in the same job) and I decided to quit and follow my bliss.

I wasn't entirely sure what my bliss was but I knew that it involved writing and singing.
And as it turned out, I didn't full-out QUIT, but compromised and started working part-time in September 2008.

Since then I have started teaching yoga. I love yoga and it makes me feel great! I feel wonderful when I am facilitating a class. It is not however, the bliss I was seeking.

I am now finally writing more, thanks to finally getting this blog going.
And I am doing some more creative writing as well.
My children's stories and songs though? Not so much.

In September, I joined a local choir. And I was Blissful!! It was awesome. Weekly practices leading up to an amazing Christmas concert with 4 sold out performances at 2 locations. My voice was in tip-top shape and I was very excited and happy.

Then, when the choir was to start back up again in February, I decided that I was going to be "too busy" to attend this session (yoga classes, Sugar Plums skating lessons...oh yes and we were having vehicle issues too). I decided that I would join in September 2009 again.

In February, I joined a local Snowfest Committee and committed myself to lead the song and story time for a snowfest event in our town and then I NEEDED to learn some songs to play on the guitar with the children (you think I may have done this over my 20 years in child care considering that I have owned my guitar for 20 years as well, but no. I have been resisting this bliss for a LONG time!)

So the Snofest experience was great! I actually (finally) learned some simple songs to play for children (Itsy Bitsy Spider, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, I'm a Little Teapot etc.). It was so easy, I don't know why I resisted for so long.

Then I decided to carry over my new-found talent and finally take my guitar to work and play for the preschool children. They loved it! They are great fans! They think I'm a rock star!! Children really are the best audiences! I was doing this once a week for months.
Not sure why it has been over six weeks since I've taken the guitar to work

For some "unexplained" reason, I have stopped playing and singing. It was gradual at first. I didn't even really notice it happening.

I also found myself thinking about soon having to return to full time work and just GIVING UP any more pursuit of music. I've been looking at course calendars for colleges, looking for something that I can "make money at".

One big thing that looms over my head, is a music project that I started and have yet to complete. I decided to make a children's c.d as a fundraiser for the child care centre where I work. I have a friend who came and recorded me and a group of children singing circle time songs.... last March (2008). And that's as far as I got. The next step was supposed to be to go to his studio and finish recording some more songs.

I feel like I MUST complete this project to move forward.

Then last night... I remembered something that I told myself to do when I was getting "in a rut". I listened to music!! I was listening to Sarah Harmer: You Were Here. (I haven't actually watched this Youtube clip cuz it's 4 min. long and that would take for ever here in no man's land). There are a couple of songs on that cd that I have learned to play and I was all of a sudden, inspired!! I turned off the cd, picked up my guitar and played and played and played!!

Fishguy sat here smiling, saying "it's about time!"
And my fingers hurt like hell since my callouses have worn off.
But did it ever feel good!

Now today I think I need to think about making another 100 day challenge for myself. I see that I have been using all sorts of excuses (including my 100 day yoga challenge) to resist my bliss... and as BlissChick and the Borg say.... Resistance is Futile!

Coolest Kid Around

Wow two posts in one day…. I’m on a mission now!!

Just thinking that I want to start including what I am listening to while posting. I used to do it when I was jounaling and I always enjoy knowing what other people are listening to.

Today while I have been sitting here writing, I am listening to a children’s c.d.
Yes, that’s right, I listen to kid’s music. It’s part of what’s left of my bliss in my work in childcare.

So, this c.d is called See You On The Moon, Songs For Kids of All Ages (there’s my validation!!)
It is an awesome little recording and I will review the whole thing in the near future, but for now I just want to share the lyrics of a sweet little song.

Faith’s Silver Elephant by Rosie Thomas

(written for my beautiful niece Faith who reminds me everyday that anything is possible)

I’ve got a new silver elephant
I’m going to teach her to talk and sit
I am going to put flowers round her neck
and take her to the park without all my friends

I am going to name her a silly name
I’ll bring her to church with me every Sunday
She’ll make me famous and I’ll get my picture on the cover of every magazine

And everyone will want to be me
Cuz I’ll be the hit of the town
You wait and see I’ll be the coolest kid in around

I’ve go a new baby blue giraffe
I am going to teach her how to shake hands and
when I want to climb trees I’ll climb up on her neck and I’ll get to sit on the tallest branch

I’m gonna take her to a picture show We’ll sit side by side in the very front row
I’ll bring her to recess dressed up in a red dress
And all of the other kids will be so jealous

I think I’ll charge them a quarter
To ride her once around town
Then you’ll see I’ll be the coolest kid around
Yeah you wait and see, I’ll be the coolest kid around.

This song is not the best one on this c.d., there are a few with more clever lyrics and catchy tunes but Faith’s Silver Elephant is just so pretty sung in Rosie’s beautiful breathy voice. It is a song I would like to learn to play and sing for kids.

I’m adding it to my List Of Songs To Learn To Play For Kids!

Welcome to my Bowl of Oranges!

I am creating this space for me.
All are welcomed to join me here. I love company!

This will be a place for me to:

• Make observations, declarations and discoveries about life (both mine and in general


• Conceive, grow, birth and nurture my heart songs (dreams)


• Make lists! I love lists!!


• Talk about books and music that I love.


• Talk about authors, illustrators and musicians whom I love.


• Practice and study yoga


• Honour Creativity in her countless forms


• Practice Gratitude


• Encourage and inspire others in the pursuit of any and/or all of the above


• Hold myself accountable for all of the above!
  
  On top of all that, I am here as a student. Life long learning is my motto and the blogoshpere is my new favourite classroom. I have spent many months cruising around and gathering knowledge and wisdom from a variety of blogs, deciding what I like and what I do not in layout and design as well as content and style. Now I have a Blog home of my own to return to after my wanderings and I will definitely be using this space to discuss and expand upon my research and findings.