Sharing My Song of Kindness

It is Wednesday and Jamie once again invites us to wish and to share. WishCasting's question this week incidentally is, "What do you wish to Share?"

I’d like to share a little story with you about kindness.
I love to sing (if you’ve read any of my posts, you kinda know that already). I joined a wonderful choir last fall and it was wonderful. We did an awesome Christmas performance and I felt good about my singing ability.

This past Monday was the second choir practice of this season. Now, I have not studied music very much and am still learning how to read music. In the beginning when we are learning the new music, it is pretty tricky for me and I have to really listen hard to pick up what I have not yet learned how to read. I struggle. It is hard.

We have a few new choir members. One of them sang a solo that just about blew me away (she was handed the piece of music at the beginning of practice). Her well-trained voice gave me chills.
I began to have that old familiar feeling of doubt overwhelm me.

You know, that snotty little diva saying, “Hmmmph, you’re never going to be able to sing like that!!!! What are you even doing here??”
But, I shooed her away and maintained my strength and tried even harder.

I even spoke to another choir member (who is a piano teacher) about getting together for a tutoring session. She helped me last year and happily agreed to assist me again.

On my drive home after practice, that diva tried out some new lines on me “You think you can sing and write songs? You can’t even read music!”
And I fought back tears. But, I told her to shut the hell up.
As I was wiping the tears away, I saw her out of the corner of my eye.
No, not the Diva (she’s not Real!!) but a lovely young deer at the side of the road.
Just standing there, looking at me. I slowed down, afraid she might jump out into my path but she just stood there and leapt away after I passed her by.

A couple of years ago, I was seeing a lot of deer. I love seeing deer. I am completely honoured and awestruck. On my 40th birthday, I saw 10 deer!!! It was the best present ever!

Deer are a symbol of gentleness, kindness and unconditional love and acceptance. Deer are sattvic. When ever I see deer I am reminded to be kind and gentle with myself, to stop being too hard or judgmental. This is what deer are meant to remind us.

So, aside from that little story, I also want to lovingly and with gentleness share my voice, my very own beautiful voice, that is virtually untrained and can’t read music voice; my kind and unique and so full of emotion voice; my voice that loves to sing just for the love of singing and because it feels sooo right and good!

Even more motivation to get that cd DONE!

I Am Learning

What do you wish to learn?

That is Jamie’s Wishcasting Wednesday question for today.

Well, there are soooo many things that I wish to learn… I’ve been trying to narrow it down a bit and well, that’s rather challenging. So you know what? I’m just going to make a list! :-)

Top Ten things I would like to learn:

1. How to change a tire. I’ve (touch wood) never HAD to do this and I occasionally have this nagging fear when I head out on the highway, that I’ll end up with a flat and not have a clue how to fix it.
2. How to take really great photos and use all the functions of a good camera.
3. How to make bread… I’ve always been to afraid to try and I know it must be easy enough. I've actually never used yeast before.

Wait…just a dog-gone minute here...I can’t believe this but... I am actually going to abandon this list!!!!!!! ((GASP)).

What I’d really like to learn is to be more focused and self disciplined. To finish the projects I have already started. To get off the computer today and start completing some Very Important work(see my two most recent posts for details on said work).

Check out Shamsi’s post. She says a lot of what I wish I had been able to articulate. And in reading her post I started to see that I AM actually learning how to become more focused. It is a process and it may be slow and actually involve work on my part, but I AM learning to recognize my patterns of sabotage and self defeating practices and stop myself from chasing after every whim and fancy.

And it ISN"T easy! It’s easy to chase and leap and dance after every desire.

It’s hard work (on so many levels) to sit still and focus myself to complete that which I KNOW will bring me into my true, blissful self.

It’s hard work, and I’m learning that I can do it!