Transformation Inevitable

This beauty is the reason we intentionally keep milkweed in the yard at the River House. While beautiful, even in its larval stage, this creature will soon become a magnificent Monarch Butterfly. Plus, the flower produced by this so-called weed, is also quite lovely.

I'm feeling a lot like a caterpillar these days, steadily munching away on my diet of yoga, guitar playing and singing.

I've been working on intentionally living my bliss (with the encouragement of this lady).

And in doing so I've learned:

• not to care quite so much about what others think
• to be more conscious of my daily choices and how they affect my bliss and energy
• that I have more self discipline than I've ever given myself credit for
• that I am able to recognize and overcome negative self talk (the divas) more frequently (um, see the previous post for more on this)
• to be less hard on myself
• to be more open and loving

In further examining my intentions, I've found that:

• I practice contentment, regardless of my situation (even when the divas are present)
• When truly unhappy with my situation, I have the power to CHANGE it
• It is my purpose to spread and reflect light to all beings
• Singing is my bliss and I intend to live that every day

I still need to work a bit more on my list of intentions but in practicing contentment with where I am at, I'm not too stressed about it. I also see that the journey is where the joy is, it's not at the culmination of any list making project I take on.

And while transformation is inevitable, the caterpillar is just as lovely as the butterfly!

Before and After

This is my paradise. I call it, The Healing River.

Me, feeling like a pathetic loser

before swimming in the Healing River.

Me, feeling all blissed out

after swimming in the Healing River.

Last Friday, I was having One Of Those Days. You know, kinda blue. It was just one of those days when I was feeling blah, unfocused, ugly, stupid, useless, scattered, in pain (lower back), in pain (emotional negativity), unworthy, uneducated, dark and gloomy, sad, pathetic and just generally all around "less" than good enough.

It was cool and overcast outside. I moped around the house most of the day. Spent too much time on the computer (aggravating my lower back pain). Then skipped my guitar playing (due to lower back pain). Then did a little more yoga (to alleviate lower back pain). Which gave me enough of a sense of peace that I realised I needed to do something to pull myself out of my funk.

Finally three o'clock rolls around and Sugar Plum and I leave the house to meet Fishguy at the River. I packed my guitar and journals and paints, hoping to put them to use once we were there.

I start to feel better just driving there. We arrive and step out of the car. Inhaling deeply, I feel the contentment mingled with pine and cedar enter my being.

I dive into the River and I am home!

The River washes me clean, clearing away all that darkness and doubt. The smell of the River takes me back... to when I was a child.

Back to when I swam all day and played on the beach and buried myself in the sand and then baked in the sun on a warm towel.

Back to when I sang songs and wrote poems without a thought to whether they were "any good" or not.

Back to a time before I was twelve and gradually came to hide myself away.

After that delightful swim, I felt back at centre and played my guitar for about an hour, did a little journaling and a little painting. I went home feeling rejuvenated and renewed and brought along with me, some new ideas for some stories and songs involving Dragonflies on the River.

The rest of my week since that day has been up and down. But that River is only about 20 minutes away....

I have a song or two about that place. It holds a special place in my heart for many reasons.

Does anyone else have a special place that they can go to be "truly home" ?